


I'm Not In Love

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 13:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17023818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Your history with guys is more than a little checkered and there is no way you are about to put yourself through all that again.  Even if you can’t quite get a certain tall, sultry, grey-eyed super soldier out of your head.





	I'm Not In Love

There are a few things you can guarantee in life, if you drop your freshly buttered toast you know it’s gonna land butter side down, if you’re already running late you’re gonna hit traffic and when you bump into your total asshat of an ex with his new leggy supermodelesque girlfriend you’re gonna be in sweats with your hair scragged back and no make-up. The look she had given you had made you want to punch her in her perfect, smug face. Not that you wanted Brandon back, oh hell no. That whole relationship was a total car crash. You two were ancient history. In fact, you had completely given up on men altogether. No man on the planet is worth the aggravation and the second-guessing and it’s not as if you had a ‘normal’ life. As the lift doors opened you wandered into the lounge and dropped down on the sofa next to Nat who looked at your grumpy face with a raised eyebrow. “You know what? I get the prize for terrible judgment in men.” You huffed and she tried to contain her smile as she shot a look across at Bucky who was lay on the other sofa pretending he wasn’t listening to the conversation.

“What happened?” she smirked, knowing that only a guy could have got you so cranky.

“Bloody Brandon and his bloody seven foot, blonde bombshell of a girlfriend. Seriously!” You threw your arms up dramatically and sighed, resting your head on Natasha’s shoulder.

“You do realise you are an Avenger right? At the peak of physical fitness?” your friend stated with a smirk as she heard Bucky add under his breath,

“And gorgeous.” He had said it so quietly and you were so caught up you didn’t hear him and rolled your eyes.

“Oh, I realise that, it was one of the reasons he gave for leaving me.” You were still kinda kicking yourself. You had supported him, encouraged him to get up the ladder at work and become the success that he now was. All that love and effort and then he had turned around and said he had never loved you and that he was leaving you for his secretary. Jerk. 

“He’s a dick. All men are massive selfish bastards.” Her sweeping statement made you chuckle and then your eyes landed on the super soldier on the other sofa. You had grown quite close to the former Winter Soldier in the past few months and although he could come across as a bit brash and grumpy, to you he was sweet, caring and a little unsure of himself in an endearing way.

“Well…” you drew out the word and Nat rested her head on the top of yours.

“Okay, all men except maybe Steve are massive selfish bastards.” You laughed at her words and your eyes met Bucky’s before he quickly looked away, his cheeks a little rosier than before. You could have sworn there was a look of disappointment there and you began to wonder if he had feelings for Nat. That thought didn’t sit right for you and you weren’t sure why. 

“I’m gonna go grab a shower.” You sit forward on the sofa, getting ready to stand. “It’s Tony’s thing tonight right?”

“Yeah. We are to be on our best behaviour and provide eye candy. Pre-drinks in your room?” Nat asked as she took her phone out and began typing a message to Wanda.

“Definitely. You coming tonight Buck?” You stand and tilt your head as you smile at him. He used to make excuses but recently he had tagged along, though you were never sure if he enjoyed himself.

“Erm… yeah, s..sure.” He practically stuttered and Nat smirked over the top of her phone. It didn’t take a spy to see what was going on between the two of you. The problem was getting either of you to act on it, or even admit it. Maybe she could get Wanda and Steve on board and force your hands. Yeah, tonight was gonna be interesting.

An hour later Bucky was still lay on the sofa staring at the clouds out of the window and thinking about you. He didn’t know when it happened, that subtle shift between enjoying your company platonically to wanting more but he found himself increasingly nervous in your presence and was torn between craving being near you and running for the hills anytime you walked into the room. You were funny and independent and absolutely gorgeous. You were everything he had ever wanted in a girl but he knew that he didn’t deserve you, didn’t deserve to be happy. It’s not like you could ever see him in that way anyhow, he was lucky you wanted to be his friend. Steve picked up Buckys legs and sat down on the sofa next to his friend. Buck sighed. “What do you want punk?”

“It’s not what I want that I’m interested in.” Steve smirked at his best friend knowing full well where his thoughts had just been. Bucky shifted, pulling himself to sit up straight and avoided looking at Steve.

“I’m not in the mood for riddles.” He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. The defensive posture had Steve raising an eyebrow. A lot of things had changed over the years they had known each other but he had never thought Bucky would be this reluctant to ask out a girl he clearly liked. 

“Come on man, you like her just make a move.” Both men exchanged glances which conveyed that they both knew these things were never really ever that simple.

“Just make a move? Really?” Bucky scoffed and Steve shrugged at his friend.

“Back in the day you would have already swept her off her feet and have moved onto the next dame.”

“Well, a lot has happened since then.” He sighed running his hands over his face. It was a simple statement but they both knew exactly what he really meant.

“Your past doesn’t define you, Buck. Just talk to her.” Patting his friend on the shoulder Steve stood up and wandered off in search of food.

 

“Oh come on, it can’t be that difficult.” Wanda erupted as you sipped on whatever lethal alcoholic cocktail Romanoff had created.

“Alright,” you conceded with a roll of your eyes. “I would… kill Clint because he’s kinda like a brother to me and to fuck or marry him would just be wrong. I would fuck Sam and marry Buck.”

“Care to elaborate on your reasoning?” Nat teased as she smirked at you over her glass.

“I suppose I’d find it easier to put up with Bucky day in day out than Sam.” You shrugged playing it casual. It seemed like a plausible enough reason and you thought you had got away with it until you felt the familiar pressure in your head that let you know your thoughts weren’t exactly your own.

“Nothing to do with the huge crush you have on him then?” Wanda questioned innocently as you glared at her.

“On who?” You shot back through gritted teeth.

“Honey we can see right through you.” Nat raised her glass in your direction. “You swoon and sigh whenever he fixes those puppy dog eyes of his in your direction. It would be sickening if you two didn’t make the worlds most adorable and totally kickass couple.” Frowning at your friends you refused to be pushed further on this subject. 

“How about we finish getting ready and get our asses down to the party before Tony sends someone to come get us.”

Your friends weren’t so quick to leave the hot topic and Bucky was still very much the focus of conversation as you all made your way down in the elevator. “Okay! Fine. I will just walk right up to him and ask him out and then you guys will drop this whole thing right?” You exploded with frustration, absolutely sure that you were about to get knocked back. There was no way he would ever be interested in you in anything more than a friend. It had been becoming increasingly difficult to get more than a few words at a time from him for the past few weeks and you were fairly sure he found you hard work to be around.

“You ask Bucky out and we promise we won’t say another word about it.” Wanda grinned as she threw her arms around you in a tight squeeze as she squealed in excitement. 

The elevator doors opened and you all walked into the room, your eyes immediately drawn to the bar where a familiar frame was leaning. He’d shaved, looked so much younger without the scruff and for a second you imagined how soft his cheek would feel against your own. He looked smart. No doubt at all the boy scrubbed up very well indeed. He had a drink in his hand and your heart stopped for a fraction of a second when you spotted the incredibly attractive, tall, leggy woman hanging off his every word. She leaned into him and said something that had them both laughing and your chest constricted again as the woman’s hand came to rest on his arm. 

That was the moment. Right there, surrounded by people but all you could see was Bucky, your Bucky, smiling at another girl. You had thought you had learned your lesson, had avoided confronting your feelings to protect your already fragile heart. These things always started out so promising with sweet kisses and endless promises but then there’s the compromises and the resentment creeping in. You never wanted that to happen between you and Bucky so you had just evaded your growing attachment to the funny, thoughtful, emotionally damaged man. Mentally screaming at yourself to get a grip you shook your head and put on a bright smile that didn’t really reach your eyes. Straightening up you strode over to Tony, preparing for an evening of schmoosing leaving Nat and Wanda to exchanged puzzled glances. Natasha glanced around the room and understanding hit when she saw what she assumed you had witnessed. Your reaction was yet another tell-tale sign of your feelings and no matter how much you were in denial she was not about to let you miss out on something amazing just because you were stubborn. At some point, you and Bucky would have to face this like grown-ups, but as that didn’t look like it was about to happen anytime soon she grabbed Wanda by the arm and made her way over to Sam and Steve. 

A few hours later Sam found himself leaning on the bar next to Bucky, noticing that his attention was fixed elsewhere he followed Bucks gaze and his eyes landed on you dancing with Tony in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor. “When you gonna own up man? You’ve got it bad.” Sam nudged his shoulder and winced a little as it hit metal.

“Shut up. I’m not interested.” Bucky huffed, never taking his eyes off you as Stark span you, making you giggle as you slammed back into him trying to keep your balance. The sound of your laughter made the corners of his mouth twitch up. You sounded so carefree and happy, he only wished it was him making you laugh like that.

“I’d say the dopey grin on your face tells a different story.” Sam waggled his eyebrows and watched the way your face lit up as you smiled. “If you don’t want to go there does that mean the way is clear for someone else to have a go?”

“What?” Bucky’s head turned to look at Sam so fast, a frown furrowing his brow. Of course, Bucky knew just how amazing you were but surely you wouldn’t be interested in Sam… would you? Could he stand by and see you with birdboy? Just the thought made his stomach churn and his chest hurt. Looking back over to where you were now talking with Steve, Bucky realised that the only thing scarier than asking you out would be not to and see you with someone else. Raising his glass to his lips he drained the last of the wine, knowing the alcohol would have no effect but just the act gave him a little Dutch courage. Handing a grinning Sam the now empty glass he strode over to you.

“I’m just saying, maybe Nat and Wanda are right on this one.” Steve chuckled as you let out a frustrated sigh.

“Not you too Rogers. Listen, last I saw he was deep in conversation with some Amazonian goddess type. I’m not about to go make a complete idiot of myself.”

“You’re only an idiot if it doesn’t work out.” Steve grinned before his eyes flitted to the approaching figure behind you. Raising an eyebrow at his sudden change in focus you look over your shoulder and as Bucky comes to a halt you turn to face him. Tilting your head, your expression a little quizzical, you find yourself a little lost in the intensity of his gaze. Now he was here in front of you he couldn’t find the words. Something as blasé as ‘hey doll, wanna dance.’ Didn’t seem to fit and he could feel his courage faltering the longer the silence continued. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it and frowned, frustrated with himself. He knew he was fucking this up, was beginning to look like a complete dick. You saw the hint of desperation in his eyes and you reached out and lightly grazed your fingertips over his hand and smiled softly up at him in what you hoped was an encouraging manner. Hesitantly he moved a little closer, brushing your hair from your face, allowing his fingers to linger by your cheek, his tongue slowly wetting his lower lip as his eyes flicked down to your soft lips before back up to your eyes, eyes he could look into for an eternity, eyes that never seemed to judge, only offered encouragement and understanding. Placing your hands on his shoulders you raised up on your tiptoes and carefully, gently, grazed your lips against his. You felt his hand in your hair as his other rested on your hip, pulling you closer into him as his lips moved against yours and you felt him smile. Moving your hands up to the back of his neck you deepened the kiss and it’s almost as if everything else has melted away, there was only the two of you, finally telling each other how you felt. So maybe they were right, maybe you were in love with Bucky but that doesn’t mean you have to say it out loud. No, there were better ways of telling him.


End file.
